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I've always known I'd be a bank robber. So judge all you want, ladies and gentlemen. Because you never did become an astronaut.

Joey Comeau

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Joey Comeau
Age: 44
Born: 1980
Born: September 26
Novelist
Writer
Edmonton
Alberta
Judge
Judging
Robber
Known
Robbers
Become
Astronaut
Always
Gentlemen
Never
Ladies
Bank
Gentleman

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There are plenty of fish in the sea, if I run out of women.
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Death is not the end. Death is an ocean on all sides of our lives. Deep and dark and cold, and anything but empty.
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I am writing to apply for the position of bookkeeper. Attached, you will find my list of qualifications. I have been keeping books for four years now, and I am never going to give them back.
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I want to make something, and I want people to know I made it.
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Art isn't just paint and music, art is breaking glass and the sounds we make without realizing.
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If we couldn't carry our dead inside us, we would be empty.
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Satellite images, maps and blueprints of the whole world, of every city. We could look it up and know what's there in someone else's words. Or we could get wicked drunk and just go.
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Kissing girls is easy, like breaking windows.
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Having all the answers just means you've been asking boring questions.
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Romance is all about making a story out of our love.
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Judge if you want, we are all going to die. I intend to deserve it.
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Alzheimer's disease is death before death, and I'm terrified of it.
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I have a form of ESP that allows me to consistently pick losing lottery numbers, and generally make poor life choices.
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I live to feel her fingers move inside of me like this. The bus makes another stop. A fat man climbs aboard, hauling himself up the stairs. I would kill him for one more moment with her fingers inside me. I don’t have to. She gives me my moment for free. He lives because of her generosity. We all live because of her generosity.
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I feel the way bank robbers must feel before they go out on that last job that ends up getting them all killed. That is to say, optimistic.
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The family that prays together, still probably dies in the fire.
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Depression is like slashing at ghosts. Of course it's tempting to finally cut something real.
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We are terrible for each other, and, yes, we are a disaster. But tell me your heart doesn't race for a hurricane or a burning building. I'd rather die terrified than live forever.
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I never wanted anything to happen to my parents, but a hero needs an origin story.
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Listening to music that I hate calms me down.
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