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If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.

Joe Rogan

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Joe Rogan
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: August 11
Actor
Color Commentator
Judoka
Kickboxer
Podcaster
Stand-Up Comedian
Taekwondo Athlete
Television Actor
Television Producer
Thai Boxer
Newark
New Jersey
Joseph James Rogan
Lying
Girlfriends
Girlfriend
Madness
Pressure
Relationship
Crazy

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Houston Alexander is for real!
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You want to talk about the word faggot because it really offends you? Well you're a douchebag.
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Houston people are way cool. They're smart, they know how to have a good time, and they have the hottest chicks on the planet there.
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But it's hard for a chick to do comedy. It's not as open for them.
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It's impossible to measure the type of mental strength and determination that's required to be an elite wrestler.
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We live in a society that makes it really easy for these pussies to get by.
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I talk so much about sex that girls just want to meet me.
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You are one miniscule piece of a never-ending cycle. In fact, you're not even a piece. You're just a holder for billions and billions of other pieces. Whether that's organic components, living organisms inside your body, bacteria or whatever it is, you're just part of the soup of the universe, so just try to enjoy what's good about it.
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I'm really happy that I've been able to make people laugh and distract them from their day to day bullshit at a comedy show or because they enjoyed one of my CDs or TV specials, but I don't know how many people have actually had life changing thoughts because of it.
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People for the most part can smell lies, at least I thought that until I saw audiences applaud at Carlos Mencia.
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When a ball goes into a net it only means something because we decided it means something. When somebody punches somebody in the face it always means something.
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That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.
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I thought eventually I'd have a family and I really didn't want to be a loser like that guy in his 40s still shopping his band's shitty demo tapes around.
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When you're standing around for an hour doing stand up it's no big deal but when you're standing around watching a show for an hour - it's a big difference. It's annoying - your feet hurt, your back hurts - it's just not the most comfortable way to see stand-up comedy.
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In order to be truly great at something you have to give into a certain amount of madness.
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Our entire civilization is built on a foundation of unfixable bullshit.
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A lot of times, you beat a person who beat a person who can beat you. I mean, it doesn't make any sense.
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Despite all the advancements in science, and all things about religion that are disproved it still marches on. The bottom line is that the only real, absolutely provable answers about life and our place in the universe are provided by science, and religion has been holding down science since day one.
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I don`t like people that make their living talking about bullshit, and you see them in many shows that are made on the same subject. When you go looking at UFOs or bigfoot or what-have-you, there's just nothing there.
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When women go to see men strip, we never accuse you of hating men.
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