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I never went to school beyond the 3rd grade, but my mother taught me the difference between right and wrong.

Joe E. Lewis

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Joe E. Lewis
Age: 69 †
Born: 1902
Born: January 12
Died: 1971
Died: June 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Singer
New York City
New York
Never
Beyond
Taught
Differences
Went
Wrong
Grade
Mother
Motherhood
School
Grades
Right
Difference

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I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
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I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.
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I drink to forget I drink.
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I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.
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You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!
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I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.
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I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.
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I always wake up at the crack of ice.
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We can afford almost any mistake once.
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If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.
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It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.
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Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for U.S. Steel.
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I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.
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It pays to get drunk with the best people.
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Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.
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I met with an accident on the way to the track I arrived safely.
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I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.
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