Quote

Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Thinking
George
Ten
Mets
Since
Didn
Today
Years
Burns
Think
Hasn

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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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