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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Since
Didn
Today
Years
Burns
Think
Hasn
Thinking
George
Ten
Mets

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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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