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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Dyke
Dykes
Damn
Proud

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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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Can we talk?
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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