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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Like
Artificial
People
Chocolate
Boxes
Receive
Hearts
Age
Chocolates
Different
Valentine
Heart
Shaped

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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
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