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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
People
Chocolate
Boxes
Receive
Hearts
Age
Chocolates
Different
Valentine
Heart
Shaped
Like
Artificial

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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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I’m never without a bandage.
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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Can we talk?
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
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