Quote

All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.

Joan Rivers

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Giving
Saying
Make
Dies
Jolie
Good
Happy
Angelina
People
Easy
Joan
Give
Jennifer
Persons
Satisfied
Back
Husband
Person
Wants

More quotes by Joan Rivers

Image
I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
Joan Rivers
Image
I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
Joan Rivers
Image
I was my own buddy in camp.
Joan Rivers
Image
I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
Joan Rivers
Image
I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
Joan Rivers
Image
I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
Joan Rivers
Image
Having a baby can be a scream.
Joan Rivers
Image
Better laid than never.
Joan Rivers
Image
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers
Image
The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
Joan Rivers
Image
God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
Joan Rivers
Image
Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
Joan Rivers
Image
There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
Joan Rivers
Image
Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
Joan Rivers
Image
Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers
Image
Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
Image
[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
Joan Rivers
Image
A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
Joan Rivers
Image
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
Image
Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
Joan Rivers