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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Come
Collins
Joan
Reporter
Reporters
Surgery
Plastic
Hasn
Motel
Told
Motels
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I’m never without a bandage.
Joan Rivers
If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
Joan Rivers
The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
Joan Rivers
Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
Joan Rivers
You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
Joan Rivers
Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
Joan Rivers
Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
Joan Rivers
One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
Joan Rivers
Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
Joan Rivers
You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
Joan Rivers
Two is company three is fifty bucks.
Joan Rivers
I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
Joan Rivers
There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
Joan Rivers
A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
Joan Rivers
Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
Joan Rivers
To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
Joan Rivers
The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
Joan Rivers
I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
Joan Rivers
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
Joan Rivers
On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
Joan Rivers
