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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Plastic
Hasn
Motel
Told
Motels
Come
Collins
Joan
Reporter
Reporters
Surgery
More quotes by Joan Rivers
My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
Joan Rivers
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
Joan Rivers
Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
Joan Rivers
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
Joan Rivers
I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
Joan Rivers
In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
Joan Rivers
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
Joan Rivers
I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
Joan Rivers
Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
Joan Rivers
That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
Joan Rivers
I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
Joan Rivers
With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
Joan Rivers
Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
Joan Rivers
[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
Joan Rivers
Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
Joan Rivers
Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
Joan Rivers
Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
Joan Rivers
Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
Joan Rivers
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
Joan Rivers
