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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Careers
Either
Never
Loop
Loops
Radar
Hilarious
Honored
Career

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
Joan Rivers
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
Joan Rivers
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
Joan Rivers
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
Joan Rivers