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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Radar
Hilarious
Honored
Career
Careers
Either
Never
Loop
Loops

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
Joan Rivers
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
Joan Rivers
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
Joan Rivers