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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Radar
Hilarious
Honored
Career
Careers
Either
Never
Loop
Loops

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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Better laid than never.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
Joan Rivers
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
Joan Rivers