Quote

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Found
Boil
Priests
Finally
Holy
Hell
Water

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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