Quote

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.

Joan Rivers

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Water
Found
Boil
Priests
Finally
Holy
Hell

More quotes by Joan Rivers

Image
Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
Joan Rivers
Image
I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
Joan Rivers
Image
There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
Joan Rivers
Image
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
Joan Rivers
Image
I love the way my life has fallen into place.
Joan Rivers
Image
I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
Joan Rivers
Image
[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
Joan Rivers
Image
The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
Joan Rivers
Image
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
Joan Rivers
Image
I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
Joan Rivers
Image
If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
Joan Rivers
Image
You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
Joan Rivers
Image
Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
Joan Rivers
Image
Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
Joan Rivers
Image
I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
Joan Rivers
Image
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
Joan Rivers
Image
Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
Joan Rivers
Image
The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
Joan Rivers
Image
Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
Joan Rivers
Image
If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
Joan Rivers