Quote

I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Take
Outline
Made
Outlines
Good
Bed
Never
Piece
Love
Husband
Think
Pieces
Thinking
Anything
Body
Chalk

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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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