Quote

I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Good
Bed
Never
Piece
Love
Husband
Think
Pieces
Thinking
Anything
Body
Chalk
Take
Outline
Made
Outlines

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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
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