Quote

I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Body
Chalk
Take
Outline
Made
Outlines
Good
Bed
Never
Piece
Love
Husband
Think
Pieces
Thinking
Anything

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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
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Better laid than never.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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