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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Older
Mind
Aging

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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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Better laid than never.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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