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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Blinders
Mafia
Vegas
Gave
Advice
Guy
Race
Running

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
Joan Rivers
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
Joan Rivers
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
Joan Rivers
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
Joan Rivers
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers