Quote

I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Writing
Chests
Something
Flat
Would
Pet
Flats
Guys
Guy
Sweaters
Write
Wore
Used
Chest

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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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