Quote

I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Something
Flat
Would
Pet
Flats
Guys
Guy
Sweaters
Write
Wore
Used
Chest
Writing
Chests

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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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Never floss a stranger.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
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my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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