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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Praise
Away
Someone
Anything
Take

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
Joan Rivers
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
Joan Rivers
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
Joan Rivers
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
Joan Rivers
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
Joan Rivers
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
Joan Rivers
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
Joan Rivers
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
Joan Rivers
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
Joan Rivers
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
Joan Rivers
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
Joan Rivers
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Joan Rivers
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
Joan Rivers
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
Joan Rivers
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
Joan Rivers
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
Joan Rivers