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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Praise
Away
Someone
Anything
Take

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
Joan Rivers
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
Joan Rivers
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
Joan Rivers
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I was my own buddy in camp.
Joan Rivers
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
Joan Rivers
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
Joan Rivers
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
Joan Rivers
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
Joan Rivers
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
Joan Rivers
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
Joan Rivers
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
Joan Rivers
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Joan Rivers
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
Joan Rivers