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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Something
Love
Jewelry
Surgery
Else
Change
Without
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
Joan Rivers
A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
Joan Rivers
I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
Joan Rivers
I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
Joan Rivers
I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
Joan Rivers
Never floss a stranger.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Joan Rivers
Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
Joan Rivers
Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
Joan Rivers
My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
Joan Rivers
Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
Joan Rivers