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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
College
Education
Use
Remember
Graduates

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Joan Rivers
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
Joan Rivers
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
Joan Rivers
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
Joan Rivers
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
Joan Rivers
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
Joan Rivers
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
Joan Rivers
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
Joan Rivers
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
Joan Rivers
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
Joan Rivers
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
Joan Rivers
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
Joan Rivers
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
Joan Rivers
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Joan Rivers
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
Joan Rivers
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
Joan Rivers
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
Joan Rivers
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
Joan Rivers
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
Joan Rivers
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
Joan Rivers