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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Screwed
Telephone
Telephones
Appeal
Appeals
Sex
Gynecologist
Life
Gynecologists
Examines

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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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Never floss a stranger.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
Joan Rivers
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
Joan Rivers