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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Sex
Gynecologist
Life
Gynecologists
Examines
Screwed
Telephone
Telephones
Appeal
Appeals

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
Joan Rivers
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
Joan Rivers
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
Joan Rivers
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Can we talk?
Joan Rivers
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
Joan Rivers
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
Joan Rivers
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
Joan Rivers
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
Joan Rivers
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
Joan Rivers