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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Appeal
Appeals
Sex
Gynecologist
Life
Gynecologists
Examines
Screwed
Telephone
Telephones

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
Joan Rivers
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
Joan Rivers
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
Joan Rivers
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
Joan Rivers
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
Joan Rivers
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
Joan Rivers
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
Joan Rivers
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
Joan Rivers
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
Joan Rivers
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
Joan Rivers
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
Joan Rivers
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Joan Rivers
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
Joan Rivers
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
Joan Rivers