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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Position
Lasts
Last
Sexual
Next
Favorite
Night
Door
Husband
Asked
Doors

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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers