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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Doors
Position
Lasts
Last
Sexual
Next
Favorite
Night
Door
Husband
Asked

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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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