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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Night
Door
Husband
Asked
Doors
Position
Lasts
Last
Sexual
Next
Favorite

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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Joan Rivers