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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Asked
Doors
Position
Lasts
Last
Sexual
Next
Favorite
Night
Door
Husband

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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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