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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Speak
House
Around
Kind
Always
Things
Charity
Like
Kinds
People
English
More quotes by Joan Rivers
My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
Joan Rivers
Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
Joan Rivers
With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
Joan Rivers
But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
Joan Rivers
Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
Joan Rivers
Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
Joan Rivers
I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
Joan Rivers
I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
Joan Rivers
I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
Joan Rivers
The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
Joan Rivers
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
Joan Rivers
to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
Joan Rivers
I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
Joan Rivers
After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
Joan Rivers
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
Joan Rivers
