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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Pathetic
Spot
Spots
Stands
Sex
Gone
Life

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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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