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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Pathetic
Spot
Spots
Stands
Sex
Gone
Life

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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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