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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Gone
Life
Pathetic
Spot
Spots
Stands
Sex

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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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