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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Gone
Life
Pathetic
Spot
Spots
Stands
Sex

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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
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