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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Spot
Spots
Stands
Sex
Gone
Life
Pathetic

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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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I’m never without a bandage.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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