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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Spot
Spots
Stands
Sex
Gone
Life
Pathetic

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
Joan Rivers
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
Joan Rivers
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Joan Rivers
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
Joan Rivers
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
Joan Rivers
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
Joan Rivers