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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Pounds
Saying
Young
Years
Like
Als
Thin

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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Better laid than never.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
Joan Rivers
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
Joan Rivers
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
Joan Rivers
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my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
Joan Rivers
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
Joan Rivers
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
Joan Rivers
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
Joan Rivers
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
Joan Rivers
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
Joan Rivers
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
Joan Rivers
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
Joan Rivers
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
Joan Rivers