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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Als
Thin
Pounds
Saying
Young
Years
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
Joan Rivers