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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Pounds
Saying
Young
Years
Like
Als
Thin

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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
Joan Rivers