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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Als
Thin
Pounds
Saying
Young
Years
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
Joan Rivers