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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Als
Thin
Pounds
Saying
Young
Years
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More quotes by Joan Rivers

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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
Joan Rivers
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
Joan Rivers
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
Joan Rivers
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
Joan Rivers
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
Joan Rivers
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
Joan Rivers
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
Joan Rivers
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
Joan Rivers
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
Joan Rivers
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
Joan Rivers
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
Joan Rivers
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
Joan Rivers
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
Joan Rivers
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Joan Rivers
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
Joan Rivers
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
Joan Rivers
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
Joan Rivers
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
Joan Rivers
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
Joan Rivers
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Joan Rivers