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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Laughing
Better
Everything
Hard
Going
Tube
Life
Tubes
Otherwise
Laugh

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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I’m never without a bandage.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
Joan Rivers
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
Joan Rivers
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
Joan Rivers
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
Joan Rivers
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
Joan Rivers
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
Joan Rivers
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Better laid than never.
Joan Rivers
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Self-pity shortens your life.
Joan Rivers