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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Laugh
Laughing
Better
Everything
Hard
Going
Tube
Life
Tubes
Otherwise

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
Joan Rivers
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
Joan Rivers