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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Life
Tubes
Otherwise
Laugh
Laughing
Better
Everything
Hard
Going
Tube

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
Joan Rivers
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
Joan Rivers
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
Joan Rivers
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Never floss a stranger.
Joan Rivers
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
Joan Rivers
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
Joan Rivers
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
Joan Rivers