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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Otherwise
Laugh
Laughing
Better
Everything
Hard
Going
Tube
Life
Tubes

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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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I’m never without a bandage.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
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