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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Love
Outline
Outlines
Dating
Piece
Took
Pieces
Body
Made
Chalk

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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
Joan Rivers