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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Piece
Took
Pieces
Body
Made
Chalk
Love
Outline
Outlines
Dating

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
Joan Rivers
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Joan Rivers
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
Joan Rivers
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
Joan Rivers