Quote

God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Play
Twists
Always
Third
Thirds
Tragedy
Comedy
Dies
Whether
Comes
Twist

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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
Joan Rivers