Quote

God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Whether
Comes
Twist
Play
Twists
Always
Third
Thirds
Tragedy
Comedy
Dies

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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
Joan Rivers