Quote

God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Whether
Comes
Twist
Play
Twists
Always
Third
Thirds
Tragedy
Comedy
Dies

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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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Can we talk?
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
Joan Rivers