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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Tragedy
Comedy
Dies
Whether
Comes
Twist
Play
Twists
Always
Third
Thirds
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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I’m never without a bandage.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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Can we talk?
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