Quote

God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Tragedy
Comedy
Dies
Whether
Comes
Twist
Play
Twists
Always
Third
Thirds

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
Joan Rivers
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
Joan Rivers
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
Joan Rivers
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
Joan Rivers
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
Joan Rivers