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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Think
Maybe
Dying
Thinking
Looking
Cause
Like
Death
Easier
Reality
Loved
Littles
Comedy
Little
Stage
Quip
Right
Causes
Ideology
Good
Everybody
Actual
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
Joan Rivers
Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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Better laid than never.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
Joan Rivers
Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
Joan Rivers
Having a baby can be a scream.
Joan Rivers