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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Littles
Comedy
Little
Stage
Quip
Right
Causes
Ideology
Good
Everybody
Actual
Think
Maybe
Dying
Thinking
Looking
Cause
Like
Death
Easier
Reality
Loved

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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I’m never without a bandage.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
Joan Rivers
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
Joan Rivers
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
Joan Rivers
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
Joan Rivers
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
Joan Rivers
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
Joan Rivers
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
Joan Rivers
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
Joan Rivers