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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Little
Stage
Quip
Right
Causes
Ideology
Good
Everybody
Actual
Think
Maybe
Dying
Thinking
Looking
Cause
Like
Death
Easier
Reality
Loved
Littles
Comedy

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
Joan Rivers
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
Joan Rivers
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
Joan Rivers
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
Joan Rivers
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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
Joan Rivers
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
Joan Rivers
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
Joan Rivers
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
Joan Rivers
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
Joan Rivers
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
Joan Rivers