Quote

I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Doe
Husband
Bunk
Love
Cases
Double
Head
Bags
Face
Falls
Faces
Puts
Making
Mines
Fall
Mine
Also
Case
Bagger

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
Joan Rivers