Quote

I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Also
Case
Bagger
Doe
Husband
Bunk
Love
Cases
Double
Head
Bags
Face
Falls
Faces
Puts
Making
Mines
Fall
Mine

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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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Better laid than never.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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