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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Making
Mines
Fall
Mine
Also
Case
Bagger
Doe
Husband
Bunk
Love
Cases
Double
Head
Bags
Face
Falls
Faces
Puts
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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Better laid than never.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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