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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Become
Women
Take
Wives
Lawyers
Lawyer
Lays
Wife
Law
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
Joan Rivers
my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
Joan Rivers
Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
Joan Rivers
I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
Joan Rivers
Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
Joan Rivers
If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
Joan Rivers
Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
Joan Rivers
My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
Joan Rivers
you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
Joan Rivers
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
Joan Rivers
Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
Joan Rivers
There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
Joan Rivers
There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
Joan Rivers
Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
Joan Rivers
Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
Joan Rivers
I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
Joan Rivers
What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
Joan Rivers
Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
Joan Rivers
You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
Joan Rivers
I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
Joan Rivers